It is difficult to be exactly where you are. My mind slips easier than my breath leaves my lungs. I do not know what it is to be free of thought. To not recall past interactions and wince as I think of what I could have done differently when it was my present. It is a vicious cycle, desiring to change the past while the present I do not want happens around me.

It was easy to live in my own time when I was doing something I was proud of. When I was living the life I said I always would. When I wasn’t surprised when my parents would say they were proud of me. There’s nothing very glamorous about consistent habits and working. For these are things that I should be doing, anyway. There is nothing romantic about doing what you’re supposed to.

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